My past month has been wonderful, and I am feeling very happy, yet it is hard for me to type those words onto this virtual page. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t brag, feels guilty that other people continue to struggle with COVID and plenty of other issues, worries that I will be judged for engaging fully in life despite the continuing pandemic. Yet the greater part of me knows that it is just as important to celebrate and be grateful for the joyful stretches as it is to share the struggles. So here is a recap of my fun January and early February…COVID be damned! (and fingers crossed that I stay healthy!)
An ongoing project of mine this month has been preparing my very own room for myself. It’s my creativity space, where I will write and scrapbook and whatever else I feel like doing. It took me a long time to claim this room—caught up in guilt at taking the room my son left when he moved out, questioning whether I deserve my own space, having all kinds of mixed feelings about disengaging from the rest of my family to be alone, anxiety about how to decorate and spending money on something that is only for me. I continue to process all that, still not entirely comfortable with really tucking myself away there, yet completely happy every time I walk in the room. I love it. I love the French, impressionist vibe I cultivated. I love that my kitties are often sleeping on my new furniture, ready to keep me company when I get over myself and actually spend more time in there, too.
I’ve also simply had a lot of fun lately. I celebrated the new year in Florida with a bunch of people I love. I spent a weekend wine tasting in Paso Robles with a different group of people I love. I spent a weekend at a spa celebrating a milestone birthday with another person I love. This past weekend, I went to a bridal shower and then spent a perfect day with another person I love (more on that in my next blog…stay tuned!). Plus, book club and writing group and walking and drinks with friends. See the theme here? Lots of time with people I love! Those moments of connection fill me up, give me energy and joy and make my life meaningful.
And speaking of meaning, work has been rich and fulfilling. Plus my new teaching gig is challenging and rewarding. Oh, and Klay Thompson is back on the basketball court and my Warriors are rockin’ it!
So lots of good stuff going on. Yet I also think an integral part of feeling good this past month has been my regular practices of meditation and movement. I have not been working out super-hard (although trying to take it up a notch in this next month), but I have been doing something most days. I started going to a new yoga studio. I’ve done more Pilates. I walk around the lake across from my office frequently. None of this is completely new, but I am being more intentional about doing these things consistently. And I’m being gentle, knowing and reminding myself that I feel better when I move, rather than coming from a critical, judgy, “I should” place, which is always de-motivating for me. And, ahhh…meditation…quieting my busy, monkey-mind even a tiny, little bit makes space for the present moment, where all of life actually happens. I’m happy and grateful to be in this moment of my life. Right here, right now.